When tears fell like rain...

I’m home alone. I could only hear the sound of the mp3s I’m playing and the heavy rain pouring outside…

Yesterday after lunch, I received a call from my cousin in the province. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing... She called to inform me that our lola already passed away...just several minutes before she called me. I couldn’t utter a single word. But I tried my best to remain calm and asked if they wanted me to do anything to help. She didn’t ask for anything. She just wanted me to know.

I faced my computer and just stared at the monitor after we spoke. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I remembered everything about my lola…how she took care of me and my sister when we were young...how she would tell everyone how proud she is because of us…how she would cry everytime she sees us when we visit her in the provice…how she would kiss us and hug us…I remembered her words of wisdom…I even remembered she would always say to me, how blessed is the man that I’ll choose to marry…all of these things just flashed back in my mind.

I just felt that I was about to cry right there. I didn’t want them to see me crying so I immediately ran to the wash room, locked myself inside the cubicle and cried my heart out. Good thing, there was nobody there that time. I didn’t notice anymore how long I stayed there.

When I returned to my place, I sent a YM to Mommy Weng. Tabel also sent me a message when she found out about it. Eventhough they’re quite far, I felt their sympathy and support. I’m really glad because they are always there for me especially during this time. I met them during merienda time and stayed at the Enterworks pantry. I was glad to see most of the EPhil folks there eating merienda together. They all asked me how I was doing in my new work. I told them quite a lot about my experience at OCS. I was able to smile and laugh again as I tell them my story. Somehow, I forgot about the sad news I received.

My team lead also heard about the sad news, and he asked me if I wanted to go home already. I said I’m ok and I’ll just finish up what I was doing. He was also asking me when I will take a leave. I didn’t know what to answer. It’s just my second week and I was really not sure if I’m already entitled to such. I told him I’ll just talk to our HR manager.

I went home early last night and I didn’t go to our badminton training. I felt so weary and I don’t think I would have the strength (and the mood) to play.

My parents left for the province early this morning and my sister is staying in Manila tonight. So I’m here, alone in my room and I felt like crying again.

But everytime I feel this way, I just try to remember the words of this very touching song, which I’m currently playing right now. It says…

The kisses of God
Are kisses of goodness and loving kindness
Kisses of faithfulness
That never once was broken

The kisses of God
Is like a tender wind in the morning
Wipe not just the tears
But the small and big fears away

He kissed me a thousand times
For every tear that fell
And there were a thousand of them
And He kissed each of them

He’s always there when I feel I’m alone
And He lifted me when I fell
Yes, He’s the God of a thousand kisses
His love endures forevermore…

Indeed, He’s the God of a Thousand Kisses who wipes away my every tear and never leaves my side. I know He’s with me right now…during this time when I feel so alone.

I would surely miss my lola. But I know she's with Him already...and she’s happy. No more pain, no more suffering, no more tears to shed…

My crying has stopped and my tears wiped away...just as the sound of the heavy rain outside slowly fades.